Ever beaten up a pillow? Ever driven to an empty parking lot and screamed your head off? Ever swallowed a wad of anger only to feel sick to your stomach afterwards — or perhaps taken out your frustrations on an innocent friend, family member, or store clerk?
Anger exists. It is a natural emotion, one from which we can run but never hide. Eventually, it will catch up to us. In the meantime, both suppressing and/or overindulging it can actually do irreversible damage to the body’s systems, verified by studies done at both Boston and Columbia Universities. These studies have found a link between anger and depression, anxiety, heart problems, IBS, and addictions. Even cancer has been shown to have a relationship with anger.
We all get angry. No one is above anger — not even the Dalai Lama, who once said:
You never stop getting angry about small things. In my case, it’s when my staff do something carelessly, then my voice goes high. But after a few minutes, it passes.
If it takes minutes for the energy of anger to pass within a master, it’s because he’s faced, felt, and worked consciously with his anger.
There’s no question that anger is a strong force. It can make us very uncomfortable whether we are on the giving or receiving end of it. It is an emotion deeply tied to childhood experiences, the self-image we work to maintain, the stories our minds tell, and the truth about how we feel about ourselves. Many of us have been brought up to believe that anger is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs. We’re constantly lambasted with moral ideas of anger being a base emotion that benefits no one — that it is something to overcome. Perhaps it is, but the overcoming of it takes hard work.
Most people deal with anger in one of two ways:
(1) they hold it in, either consciously or unconsciously, or
(2) they let it out, either consciously or unconsciously.
Generally, it’s the unconscious variety!
We stuff our feelings of anger so as not to destroy that “nice person” self-image we’ve constructed, or to keep from hurting others — but what often results is self-inflicted stress. On the other hand, if we act out our anger, we very often do so with unnecessary aggression or even violence. Obviously, that serves no one.
Where’s the middle ground?
First Step
Holding the middle ground first requires awareness.
The important thing is to recognise signs of anger early, admit them, and face them — without judgment.
It isn’t easy to do. Often, our minds are jumping on such negative emotions, convincing us we don’t feel what we actually do… or that we shouldn’t.
So what are some signs that anger is arising? Look for:
- Tension in the jaw, neck, or gut
- Changes in the tone or volume of your voice
- Irritability
- Shutting others out
- Sarcasm or passive-aggressive behaviours
- Feeling hot “under the collar”
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Pacing
- Craving an addiction
Step Two
Some would say that all we need is this first step — to be aware when we are angry and simply watchful of our response to it. From my own experience, I don’t think mindfulness is enough.
We have to also find safe passage for the energy of anger so it can be expressed and released safely. If we don’t, that energy accumulates, and we’re left with the building blocks of frustration and eventual illness.
Anger doesn’t have to be scary or throw us off balance. In fact, the energy of anger can be used productively and constructively. Various tools for helping us do just that exist. Movement forms such as yoga and chi gong (specifically kundalini yoga), voicework, and art therapy all offer some very powerful techniques for allowing, accepting, expressing, and transmuting anger.
With our anger in check, we can then genuinely work toward cultivating more enlightened states of being like compassion and equanimity. Sure, we can cultivate those things without addressing our anger — but the anger will be there, seething under the surface, undermining and shading our vibe.
If you know you have anger issues or outdated ideas about anger that may be affecting your sense of self, peace, and health, you don’t have to suffer alone.
At We Are Wellness, there are many different kinds of caring practitioners who can help you develop a deep, inner resilience to anger... and other uncomfortable states too... so that, just like the Dalai Lama, they pass within minutes.
Check out all your choices — from art-related services, to breathwork, to yoga teachers (that’s almost A to Z!).
About the Author
Inspired by wisdom traditions including Yoga, Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, Dzogchen, Daoism, Sikhism, and Shamanism — each expressing the same Truth in their unique ways — Beth's role is as an energy worker and creative channel to Life's Great Mystery. She is driven by the desire to make ecstasy practical by offering guidance, healing, yoga, chi gong, meditation, and voicework practices to those ready for deep inner work and healing.
NOTE TO EDITOR:
This was first published on Divine Me Time but has since been removed. It may still be on archival sites. However, it has been lightly rewritten for We Are Wellness.
May your sun shine brightly!